Your Horoscope for the Week!

funny horoscope graphic

Howdy Budmeister!

The psychic vibes are strong with me again this week. So here’s not just your future for the week, but the future for every single person with a birthday.

Birthday well wishes surround you, but many will be belated and come in a “group” card. Never mind, this year you will redeem all gift cards/gift certificates and/or make strides in your career. Next year, well … to paraphrase Yoda–the future is always in motion.

Aries (21 March-20 April)
Eat out. Trust me. Eat out.

Taurus (21 April-21 May)
Parking karma is at an all-time high. Run errands in record time or go to the beach.

Gemini (22 May-21 June)
Your computer is on the verge of a major bitch fit. Stop clicking so much and back up data.

Cancer (22 June-22 July)
Someone will have an uncharacteristically emotional response to an Email you sent. Do NOT hit reply. Call or speak in person instead.

Leo (23 July-22 August)
A white lie comes back to haunt you. Time for you to face the music or hide in the bathroom.

Virgo (23 August-21 September)
Stress is mounting. Doing dishes will clear your mind or, at the very last, you will have a clean bowl for cereal.

Libra (22 September-22 October)
Bad television tempts you today. Fall into its trance without guilt. It is your destiny.

Scorpio (23 October-21 November)
Songs on the radio will be amazing relevant to your life. Avoid crying on freeways or at least move into the slower lanes.

Sagittarius (22 November-21 December)
The Should Monster is telling you you should do things–very boring things or stuff that is just not gonna get done anyhow. Put goofing off as the only item on your “To Do” list today and proudly check it off.

Capricorn (22 December-20 January)
Financial institutions are unjustly applying “fees” to your accounts. Fight the power. The stars are in your favor.

Aquarius (21 January-19 February)
Hold the elevator for a stranger or help an old lady cross the street. Do SOMETHING. Karma Court is officially in session and you want to stack up some evidence for a good verdict.

Pisces (20 February-20 March)
Bad dairy could cause you embarrassing abdominal discomfort. Proceed with EXTREME CAUTION.

1 thought on “Your Horoscope for the Week!”

  1. Ahh, the future beckons once again! Such powers, such accuracy and futures for everyone to boot! I particularly like “Karma Court is officially in session.” You’re getting pretty good at this Bud. Is there a psychic career in your future? Hmmmm.

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